Follow by Email

Thursday, December 6, 2012

How Do You?

how do you jump
after hard falls
and skinned knees

how do you love
after rejection's tears
being carelessly used

how do you trust
when everything true and real
is shattered, scattered around your feet

how do you move on
when the shadows of past
still linger in the air

how do you believe
when tomorrow is never
easier than today

what's the secret
of the starry-eyed
the dreamers that never give in
the fighters that never back down

what do they know
that eludes this frightened heart
what do they have
that never sparked in me

teach me that faith
give me that strength
and passion and fearless will
that can never be broken or taken away

Friday, August 31, 2012

Holding Patterns

such a strange affair
caught between wisps
of forgotten words
lost in the shadows
the expectations of yesterday
too heavy a burden to bear
secret looks of contained longing
a brief electric touch
the ebb and flow
that pushed us together
then pulled us apart
never really free
never really claimed
stuck in holding patterns
released long ago

In response to Three Word Wednesday and ABC Wednesday

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Ghost of a Hand

Sometimes,
in glimpses,
the little red-headed girl,
hand clasped in mine
as I pulled her along,
peeks out
from the woman's fa├žade.
The ghost of a hand,
always reaching for mine,
whispers across
the one that always reached back.
Two lost little girls
against the world,
now learning the dance
of holding on while letting go.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

My Haunted Heat

I gave into your touch
so sure heaven was on the other side
the forest fires in your eyes
burned a path across my flesh
Oh, my willing flesh
turned to you time and time again
needing your skin against mine
a weakness I've never known
too quickly became far too necessary
You were a beautiful lie
But now you're gone
and I've got the shakes
my skin keeps forgetting its loss
your hands still take
every haunted path they've ever travelled
your scorching lips still imprinted
on all the parts you claimed your own
And while I'm sure I'll grieve this loss
I'll move on and find other boys
I don't want to lose this heat
your body left with mine

Fighting a Child's Impulse

Scolded like a child
frustration welling up
sharp and hard
roughing out all the smooth
the disrespect rang clear
reaction's of youth
fighting to take over
the hard learned adult

walk away
take a breath
or a hundred
cool the angry fire
burning at the surface
bury it until
I find the words
to navigate the minefields
just because I'm treated like a child
doesn't mean I have to act like one

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Just Me and the Beast

Such a haunted beast that dwells inside this aching chest of mine,
so precisely counting wrongs and keeping score
in a game I'm bound to lose.
A hopeless case,
flaunting scars like a warrior on the other side of battle.
No victory in this war,
the ending will always be bitter and heavy,
the ache that doesn't ease.
So clinically described,
so indescribable to those who've never felt the weight.
Hanging on by fingertips,
grasping at the wind for a moment of peace that'll never last,
just a flicker in the dark
left cold and alone in the shadows.
Just me and the beast.

Posted at ABC Wednesday- B is for Beast

Monday, May 28, 2012

My Passing Fancy

You're just a phase
a shallow craving
of this fickle flesh
I should warn
your gentle novice heart
it's bound to break
if it trusts my
capricious love
I know it's cruel
to play these games
but I won't caution
'cause I want a taste
want to sear
your flesh with mine
want the rush
of getting under your skin
that heated look in your eyes
the bite of your fingers
as you lose control
so I'll hold you tight
and love you strong
'til the next fancy
catches my eye

In response to Three Word Wednesday

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Something Worthwhile

This battered heart
growing up
the hard way
learning to take
bruises and scrapes in stride
using these tears
to wash away the bad
clear out for the good
taking baby steps now
down the long and winding road
ran and fell enough
to learn that lesson
just want to finish the race
don't have to be first
placing faith that
grace'll get me through
and life will chisel
something worthwhile
out of me yet

In response to ABC Wednesday, Poetic Bloomings and Carry On Tuesday

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Love Song

Will you be my love song,
the syncopated rhythm
that moves me once again?
only your music will mend
this broken hearted fool
but I'm tired of listening
to the same old song and dance
so bring me something new
with chords that cut deep
and words that ring true
I'll let your melody haunt me
be my gentle lullaby
we'll slow dance to your heart beat
navigate the ebb and flow
juggle through the pitch
I promise not to lip-sync
if you let me hear the words
I'll memorize the chorus
sing it to the fawning crowds
the world will stop to listen
as we sing our hallelujahs
oh will you be the love song
that brings this heart to life

In response to Three Word Wednesday

Monday, May 14, 2012

Riding Waves

I've got a secret
just for you
and I'll whisper it
on your lips
let you taste
the angles
that make me smooth
a hit to get you fixed
climb in your skin
fill out your shell
my music
leads you on
try to turn away
and you'll come back
base affection
digging in deep
won't demand love
or even respect
waste a little time
throwing a fit
placing aces on the table
to get a winning hand
will you sink in
breathe it out
place a bet
you've got a sure thing
hanging on the edge
so slip inside
take my hand
we'll ride the waves
'til they bring us in

In response to ABC Wednesday

For a Moment Lost

I lost you
somewhere along the way
so sure you were
my solid ground
the north star
that wouldn't move
you took more than
a suitcase
stole my home
left me in
the shambles of a house
did I hold you too tight
not enough
or did I just mistake
affection for love
scrambling
in the dark
on shifting sand
looking for a place to stand
looking for something
left to believe in
guess forever doesn't mean
what it used to
oh, well
it'll ease soon enough
the dizziness will stop
so I can find my feet
somewhere else I'll call home
and though I ache with your loss
all aches ease
and all storms pass

In response to Poetic Bloomings

Learning Curve

Learned so much from you
how to soar
and how to crash
happy beginnings
and bitter ends
how to love and hate
and feel hollow inside
learned that a heart doesn't shatter
it cracks and fractures along the way
that even messy, bloody endings
can begin so sweet
you taught me to laugh while making love
what making love really meant
then icy silences
and retreating from my touch
the empty, frigid side of the bed
I wish I could remember just the hurts
getting over you would be easier
but the good are so connected
leaving soft spots
that hurt the worst
good and bad
you were mine
for awhile
and I was yours
now all that's left is the aftermath

In response to Sunday Scribblings

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Time to Say Goodbye

Time to say goodbye
time to move on
pack up my bags
get good and gone
took a chance
and lost again
fought a fight
I couldn't win
bruised my heart
but it didn't break
I gave much more
than he let me take
seems he only
wanted a taste
such a pretty boy
such a waste
throw my hands up
fair and square
not begging for something
that isn't there
so he'll go his way
and I'll go mine
don't worry 'bout me
I'll be just fine
and if I think about him
every now and then
and sometimes wonder
what might have been
give me some leeway
cut me some slack
'cause it's every girl's right
to take a glance back
and remember the feel
of the last boy's arms
before falling into
the next one's sweet charms.

In response to Carry on Tuesday

Friday, May 11, 2012

Blind Leading the Blind

He takes my hand in his
clasped so tight
the knuckles turn white
The path he's choosing
I won't turn back
I won't let go
Who knows where it leads?
He doesn't I'm sure
He's just going on faith
that my hand will stay
clasped in his
that where we're going
is where we're meant to be
that the journey together
negates the need for a destination
So fearlessly he leads
and fearlessly I'll follow
Happy or bitter
we'll know in the end
'til then we're blindly
holding on

In response to Poetry Jam

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Quit

I quit
done shouldering the blame
for this busted love affair
tremble under a weight too heavy
to carry all alone
Took more than me
both kept piling up
a mountain of wrongs
to build a goodbye
You own up to yours
'cause it's time for me
to carry only my own
Have to dampen down this burn
ease up on the ache
by taking off some guilt
I'm done being the villain
in a love that couldn't last

In response to Three Word Wednesday and ABC Wednesday

Crazy Joyous Love

There's a sweet touch of madness
with your lips upon mine
a divine taste of freedom
a bold wildness
that sweeps me away
And every now and then
when your skin is flush with mine
and our hearts beat in time
it fills me up so full
I can feel it
coming out my pores
til I don't think
I can take anymore
but I always come back
jonesing for more
of the crazy, joyous love
I find in your arms

In response to Sunday Scribblings and Carry on Tuesday

Thursday, May 3, 2012

The Dream

I had a dream
such a lovely dream
splendor within my grasp
hallelujah blessings
bursting in my sight
Don't want to wake
to this gloomy world
with heaven in my gaze
I try to grab
in clutching hands
but it slips through
like the wind
Oh, these elusive dreams
gone in the blink of an eye
Easy come
and hard to let go
maybe I'll dream it again

In response to Carry on Tuesday

Broken girls

A pretty girl
with broken eyes
all the boys
want to fix
A wounded soul
an elusive pull
foolishly jumping
into waters too deep
a taste of hero
shining armor knight
prove to the world
the boy's a man
she'll pull them in
she'll pull them down
to the depths
of a broken heart
watch out boys
for broken girls
they don't want to be saved
they just want to drown

Unsafe Game

Everybody knows
I broke the boy
played unsafe
with a gentle heart
He placed his faith
in a crooked game
conned by a
pretty mask
I need to repent
what I cannot fix
stop the forward motion
of the wreck of me
before the casualties mount
I want to turn away
from his stormy eyes
Don't want to see
the hurricane
my twisted love
brought forth
But if I don't face
the consequence
I'll just break
another boy
I'm tired of the chaos
tired of the mess
tired of the damage
I leave behind
So I seek the elusive
state of grace
to bring to life
a better version of me
where love is safe
and hearts are free
to take the crazy leap
for a hallelujah ending
instead of the fiery crash

In response to Poetry Jam, Sunday Scribblings, and One Single Impression.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Fire and Ice

A penalized heart
took a chance
on a charming boy
with fire in his eyes
He left me cold
when he rescinded his warmth
such fickle heat
less generous than I thought
This numbing pain
has seeped into my bones
My over-sensitized skin
cringing at even
the slightest of contact
I need to find
some flames of my own
jump start a fire
just for me
stop shying away
break out of the ice
and curl up in a passion
all my own

In response to Three Word Wednesday

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Tender intertwining


A gentle glide of bodies
hands that twine with mine
a bloody pulse of radiating heat
that starts the warming flush
Skin against sweet, sweaty skin
nothing too kinky
just a tender intertwining
souls longing to be touched
Lip to lip
we'll tell each other secrets
heart to heart
lay ourselves bare
Oh, what a whisper of a moment
that lingers in the air
a flicker in the dark
my hands longing
to catch and to hold
But as it enters
I let it go
And tuck its memory
in the secret corner of my mind
to warm my skin
another day

This is in response to Three Word Wednesday

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Ophelia and I

Ophelia and I

little girls running

beside the stream

wildflowers waiting to bloom

we whispered about boys

and that intangible someday

too young to steady our pace

arms open wide

too shortsighted to see

the marathon length before us

we sprinted until

we tumbled down winded

the verdant shores

remember those little girls

wild and free

before she succumbed

to her watery grave

and I fell victim

to the ennui of life

but when I dream

I feel her hand in mine

feel the wind whipping my hair

the sweet joy

of friendship and youth

found with Ophelia

by the summer stream

Written in response to ABC Wednesday
, Theme Thursday Sunday Scribbling, One Single Impressionand The Mag

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Locket

Kept this
broken heart locket
locked inside
the drawer beside my bed
tarnished silver
hides rumpled pictures
fools' smiling faces
frozen in the happy past
a heart's dependence
on what used to be
I should pawn it
let it go
to new pictures
a healthy beating heart
to warm the cold metal
but I'll keep it
locked inside the drawer
holding on
to faded pictures
of all I left behind

In response to Three Word Wednesday at http://www.threewordwednesday.com/2012/04/3ww-cclxviii.html

Never

Never been as humble
endless pounding waves
crashing at my feet
millions of blazing galaxies
piercing the night sky

Never been as naked
words flung into the world
each lovingly placed
opening the wizard's curtain
exposing shaky secrets

Never been as lost
strength personified
idolized father figure
cold and lifeless before me
how do you let go

Never been as scared
still, quiet darkness
shifting fears attacking
a mind that will not rest
a heart wanting to let go

Never been as loved
rock bottom of the well
suffocated by night
your voice pulling me back
towards sun's healing rays

Never been so calm
faith in something bigger
purpose in the chaos
let go in the midst of the storm
serenity of hope

In response to ABC Wednesday at http://abcwednesday-mrsnesbitt.blogspot.com/2012/04/n-is-for-novel-letter.html

Monday, April 16, 2012

Papa

My skin feels the lingering
touch of your hand
strong, callused hands
that were never supposed to leave
Still feels the soft curly hair
on the tips of my fingers
You are the booming laugh
that echoes in the hollows
your absence leaves in my heart
I was so sure you were
too strong to ever fall
The cold marble proves me wrong
the only tangible reminder
you ever were here with me
I don't need that stone
to know what I lost
every shaky beat remembers
brings a pulsing ache
I'll never forget being held
in the gentlest of embraces
will never feel as safe
as I felt in your love
so sure and true
Wait at the gates of heaven
I'll be along soon enough
soon enough the missing piece
will be whole again.

Circus Freak

Circus freak
under church clothes
Lies of normal
cover deformities
I'll play out the charade
for your love
Don't look too close
nooks and crannies
hide dirty little secrets
I miss the touch
of skin against skin
when the real me
makes you cringe
and turn away
Oh, how I long
to take off the mask
But who would love
this disfigured heart
who would want
the twisted, tangled mess of me
So I play my part
learn to lie so well
that no one will see
the circus freak in me

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Lovely Disaster

This union breeds disaster
smell the charred remains
drifting up from downstream
We're stretching the seams
too wild and bucking for these fences
Still my fingers twitch with longing
to trace your curves and lines
and I ache with the pull
to slowly sink into your heated eyes
a heat that will burn and blister
Our downfall clear on the horizon
we shift in our indecision
pulling close and pushing away
It would be a lovely disaster
scratching and clawing and biting
If we turn away now
the wondering will always linger
so strong sometimes a heart will break
In the end, what hurts worse
giving in to the wrong kind of love
or living with a tame heart
that longs for the wildness of you

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Conversation with God

I've seen Hell.
He let me visit,
see the landscape

He tells me
"I'll let you go there
the choice is yours
but you know I'm here.
It won't be easy
I won't let you
take the easy way out
but you know I'm here."

I'm so weak
   "I'm not"
Not strong enough
   "I am"
Why would you want me?
   "I do"
I want...
   "I know what you need"

I preview this wicked view
I see and feel the fear
as if it were air
and I can't breathe
I want to be lost
but the cost is too high
I know who wins in the end
But is the fight for freedom in me?

I listen to His voice
"You have to choose
I won't let you play
both sides anymore.
It's all or nothing,
you're either his
or you're mine."

You won't leave me?
   "I haven't yet"
I will surely falter more often than not
   "Keep focused on Me, I'll teach you the way"
What if...
   "Trust me, no half measures, really trust me."

You know me
I always fail
I am always too sick
too tired
too weak
I say I will
but even if I really try
I fail
   "I don't"

I can't move
   "I'll move you"
I'm so weak
   "I'll make you strong"

As I look around I can see
what I'd become
lost souls scared of the dark
broken hearts that
just keep breaking

I then look to the light
as the gentle, loving voice asks
"It's the moment of truth,
 who do you choose?"

Taking a deep breath
and a leap of faith

You, I choose You.

The Poison

I can still taste the poison
that ran through my veins
that passed these willing lips,
still feel numb around the edges,
still feel the wicked draw
though it left a bitter taste
and made my body ache.
But the ache felt right
to this bruised and broken soul
what I truly deserved.

Oh, this foolish mind of mine
that misses the self inflicted pain,
that romanticizes the way
it felt upon my lips,
tasted on my tongue,
burned down my throat.

It's not the taste I miss
but the numbing of this too sensitive skin
that always had me coming back for more.

It's fangs sank so deep in me
I was sure it touched my soul
made all that was clean inside dirty,
something so much less than desirable.

There was no one there to pull out the venom
so I hid deep in the dark for awhile
as the shakes wracked my body
and the cold sweat dripped from my skin.
I survived that desperate night
where my stomach heaved
and my body burned,
made it through to stand on the other side
and I'll never let that poison touch my lips again.

It's the stand I have to make,
the stand I will make everyday
until my last breath gently floats away
simply glad it won't be torn from my body
I'll keep that poison at bay.

Mistake

I won't make that mistake again
with you standing at my door,
the howling of the wind
echoing from deep in the woods
the sound of a broken heart in the air.
Your smile sits so naturally on your face,
but there is something moving behind your eyes,
something I've seen too many times before.
It scratches at the surface, fighting for light.
I know it's the wrong kind of right
that leaves nothing but a bitter taste on my lips.
That crooked grin is nothing but the lie
you tell me to get past my door.
I've seen it too many times before,
blindly putting faith in something I should never trust.
I feel a hardening of the soft tissue of my heart
hardening enough to make the break easier.
Oh, silly boy, we've played this game too many times before.
I've played the fool to your wily ways.
You taught me this game the hard way.
I feel an ache for the girl I used to be,
the girl I had to leave behind.
She used to long for that boy
knocking at the door like the pounding of her heart,
accepted any wisps of affection that floated her way.
A silly girl for a silly boy who was never sure what he wanted.
Sometimes I can't bear to think of her
on the other side of the door waiting for the knock.
She no longer waits, having learned her lesson well.
She knows about boys with heartbreak in their eyes.
She knows the playbook forward and back,
the winner of a crushed and bleeding heart.
So don't stand there in the doorway expecting to get in,
don't think I can't see the shadows lurking in your eyes.
All you'll ever be is the mistake I won't make again.


In response to ABC Wednesday at http://abcwednesday-mrsnesbitt.blogspot.com/2012/04/m-is-for-me-me-me.html

Saturday, March 31, 2012

These Days

There are these days
stupid, silly days
where everything is okay
everything is worth it

Then there are days
where I can't take it anymore
just want to disappear
to not exist

And I think one of these days
the good ones will be more
but it hasn't happened yet.

Words

What if these words are all of me
Never more, never less
Just these silly, stupid words
That make up my heart
That make up my soul

The mind is easy
connections and
chemicals and synapses

But these words that we are
alone don't make any sense
they expose you
tell your secret inner world
take what is
and what wasn't
and never will be
And turn it into some sort of dream

But all they'll be are words
Never anything more
And it scares me to death
that these words are all I'll ever be.

Poetry

I'm not Plath,
Ginsberg, or Pound
Don't really want to be
truth be told
But these words in my soul
They change me
and make me want more
Langston Hughes and St. Vincent Millay
have turned this simple, silly, stupid girl
into someone who dreams and flies
I can see it now
I can feel it now
I can't swear to it now
but maybe it's worth it now.

In response to ABC Wednesday

Kept

Kept
this
bent
broken
golden
ring
as is
as if
it were
a fairytale
a dream lost
to be
found
again
maybe
it
will

This is in response to ABC Wednesday at http://abcwednesday-mrsnesbitt.blogspot.com/2012/03/abc-wednesday-k-is-for-kinks.html

Gone in the Blink of an Eye

I'm looking to run
fast as
these broken legs can

Don't want to be here
Don't want to be me

I know the grass
always seems greener
Know some moments
are happy
But I can't find them

I just want to run
and cry
and scream
and tear at the seams

Take these pills they say
nothing works
nothing helps

I'm tired
and broken

Stupid monster inside

Happiness is just a fairytale
Gone in the blink of an eye

Friday, March 30, 2012

Shitty Day

I've had a shitty day

I lost my mind
He lost his job
Nasty little rumors
being told to my Mama
Screaming matches with my Mema
And made my Daddy cry.

Oh, officially a horrible, shitty day

So I threw a fit
And made a scene
Cried an unpretty,
snotty,
puffy eyed,
hiccupping,
glass throwing cry

And when I was absolutely sure
my crying spell was done
I cried a little more.

It was all so unladylike
Good girls aren't raised to act such ways
Guess I'm not a good girl

Then I threw in the towel
Called it a day
Lay my head on my bed
And gratefully call quits
a truly shitty day.



In response well in truth to a shitty day, but also to Theme Thursday at http://www.theme-thursday.com/2012/03/theme-thursday-for-march-29-2012-moment.html

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Just Me

J is for Just Me

I just am
I can't be anything more
maybe I should be prettier or smarter
be nicer, purer, more true
should certainly be more
more motivated, more ambitious
simply more

But I'm just good enough
I just make the cut
won't be the favorite
have my name in bright lights
don't do all that I should
enough to get by
enough to get through

But there's comfort in not being perfect
in accepting all that I am and I'm not
so at the end of the day
I'll proudly proclaim
all I'll ever be is just me


In response to ABC Wednesday at
http://abcwednesday-mrsnesbitt.blogspot.com/2012/03/j-is-for.html

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Beautiful Trickster

I'm on to you
Beautiful Trickster
with dewey blooms
fragrant and colorful
breathtaking and new

Oh, let's not forget babies
so cuddly and cute
promises of youth
the world again renewed.

But youth will lose it's luster
Spring can never last
This elegance before me
Doesn't baffle me at all

I'll look at the vibrant colors
but I'm on to your sick scheme
Spring is just the promise
That winter will negate.


In response to Three Word Wednesday at http://www.threewordwednesday.com/2012/03/3ww-cclxiii.html
and Poetic Bloomings at  http://poeticbloomings.com/2012/03/18/%ef%bb%bfspring-ahead-prompt-47/

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Infertile

I is for Infertile


Every woman dreams
of a soft, sweet bundle
flesh of flesh
all her own

The call
instinctive
primal
call of nature
for a generation
to pass on

I feel it
more every year
tick, tick, tick
of the broken clock

A rounded belly
mother's proud smile
baby's laugh
brings a soul ache

Oh, the look
poor infertile girl
nothing to do
unfixable

"You can always adopt."
"The improvements in science"
"Find other passions"
they say
platitudes
mean well

But never the miracle of life
growing in my womb
first kicks
baby's move
creation all my own

Instead the ache
of the brokenness
of me

In response to ABC Wednesday at
http://abcwednesday-mrsnesbitt.blogspot.com/2012/03/i-is-forinlinkz.html

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Fall Leaves

Bury me under crimson leaves
Let me smell the essence of their death
Until I cannot see beyond thier painful fall
Until I too cannot take another breath

And when with finality, they crumble into ash
And turn forever into soil's fertile ground
I will close my eyes and say goodbye
Then stand and wait for yet another round.

In response to Theme Thursday at http://www.theme-thursday.com/2012/03/theme-thursday-for-march-15-2012-season.html

Words in My Head

I'm tripping over
the words in my head
won't leave me alone
til I put them to bed
on paper with pen
or a shiny new post
they'll keep rolling around
they'll shout and they'll boast.

They repeat every word
over and over again
put one line down
and it's started again.

So get them out now
cause they're driving me crazy
I just want to sleep
be stupid or lazy.

When it's 3 am
and my eyes are half mast
they're unwanted guests
but want the party to last.

It makes me insane
this gift that's inside
I know it should be
a source of great pride
It is when I'm not tired
and trying to sleep
or accomplishing all
the tasks in my week.

I don't want to lose them
if I don't write them I will
I just long for some silence
and my mind to be still.

Migraine

Oh the ache
Oh my head
Sadistic bitch
Won't leave me alone

I beg
I plead
I pray
For relief
For release

And still she taunts
Brings me to my knees

Can't even scream
Reduced to a wimper

Nothing will stop her,
this constant unwanted guest
who makes me shun
the light of day
the joy of laughter

It's just me and her
and her and me
alone in the silent dark

Oh how am I to survive this
miserable
twisted
worthless
Sadistic bitch.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Spectrum

There's some blue in me
of lonely days
and the solitude of
deep blue midnight.

I can feel the red
anger's scarlet flame
in the beating of my heart

The sickly yellow fear
I try to hide
but stays buried in my skin

And the fangs of green
that nip and bite
with things I'll never have

A bit of white and black and grey
in a conscience that I fight

The earthy brown
where I plant my feet
The silver and gold of sunbeams
that warm my upturned face

And the violent shades of passion
in every color in between
That makes the blended spectrum
that resides inside of me.


In response to Theme Thursday at http://www.theme-thursday.com/2012/03/theme-thursday-for-march-8-2012.html

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Enough

Maybe it's enough
waking everyday
breathing in and out
the beating of my heart

Maybe it's enough
pushing on
when I don't want to
don't think I can

Maybe it's enough
forcing back the tears
putting on a smile
when I'm overwhelmed

Maybe it's enough

But I'm so tired
of moving forward
then moving back
and wondering if it's enough

Pleasure Games

Touch me
Taste me
Tease me
Take me
Hard and fast
Soft and slow
Til I lose my breath
Til I lose control
Make me feel
Make me ache
Don't worry, love
I won't break
Just love me right
And love me long
I'll take it all
Before you're gone
A little this
And alot of that
I'll gobble it up
Til I'm nice and fat
Use me up
And break me down
Come inside
And settle down
Don't let me go
Til I tell you to
You use me
And I'll use you
Don't need your heart
Just your body
For these pleasure games
You wrap around me.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

I'm Gonna Love You

I'm gonna love you
Til your heart's so full of me
Til you can't breathe without my touch and taste
Skin to skin

I'm gonna love you
The way you want to be loved
Should have been loved
Need to be loved

I'm gonna love you
Like I'm the last one who ever will
Like I'm enough and always will be
Like you'll never hurt me or break my heart

I'm gonna love you
Soft and gentle
Passionate and strong
Full-force, non-stop

I'm gonna love you
The way I want to be loved
So maybe, fingers crossed,
You'll love me like I love you

I Dare You To

I've got stars in my eyes
Little specks of soul that shine through
My truth fighting their way out of insecurities

I bet you see my heart
If you look long enough
If you have the courage to really look

Will you?
I dare you to
Dare you to delve
deep enough
to dig beneath the surface

I'll let you in
But it won't be easy
I'm worth the fight
Worth the effort

So stick around
And take the time
Take the chance
I dare you to.

Grandeur

G is for Grandeur

There's a grandeur in the stars
A beautiful vastness
That makes you feel small
A speck of dust in the infinite

Oh, the comfort of being
Just a fleeting moment
That time forgets after a beat

You can seek your immortality
Try to make yourself bigger
Try to make yourself more

I'll take my moment
And look to the stars to remember
That all those worries and cares and mistakes
   that feel so big
Are less than a grain of sand
In the magnificence of the universe


In response to ABC Wednesday at
http://abcwednesday-mrsnesbitt.blogspot.com/

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Hiding

I move,
Step back
Confused and fragile
Hiding from truth
But it stalks and hovers
I shield my face from the probing eyes
But not reacting is reacting,
Right?

Ostrich misses but never stops moving life
Just delays the rising flame
Burnt fingertips

A moment more
Deep shuddering breath
Brace to face the fire
Acting to react



This is in response to Theme Thursday at http://www.theme-thursday.com/
and ABC Wednesday at
http://abcwednesday-mrsnesbitt.blogspot.com/2012/03/h.html

Friday, March 2, 2012

Wanting the Flame

Oh, how you're gonna want me,
I'll be your heart's desire.
You'll long to touch my sweetness,
Be drawn into my fire.

You'll yearn for me, burn for me,
Beg me to quench the flame.
Once I've given you a taste,
You'll never be the same.

We'll drown in this together,
Crinkled lips and fingertips.
We'll navigate this madness,
Into the body's bliss.

As we find a slipping rhythm
In the clutches of the night,
I'm gonna give you everything.
I'll be worth the fight.

So get ready for my passion,
Prepare for my demands.
Put your lips upon my body.
Explore me with your hands.

I'll leave you satisfied,
But always wanting more.
I'll break into your heart
And seep into your pores.

Oh, how you're gonna want me,
Want me body, heart, and soul.
And I'll give it all to you
If you never let me go.



In response to Three Word Wednesday at http://www.threewordwednesday.com/

Thursday, March 1, 2012

The Rhythm in the Air

There's a rhythm in the air,
A slow and haunting beat,
The swaying of my hips,
And the tapping of my feet.

I feel it in my soul,
And the pounding of my heart.
It fills me up with sweetness
And breaks my cares apart.

As my body starts to move
The melody takes over,
The dips and rising of the notes,
Like the movements of a lover.

I catch the rising fever,
My body starts to burn,
My pulse accelerates,
It makes me start to yearn.

Oh, the rhythm in the air,
The slow and haunting beat,
The movement of the music,
That's taken over me.

I'll Take What I Can Get

I've given up on longing
Of wanting what I can't have.
It seems such a useless thing
So I'll just take what I can get.

If you look at me I'll be satisfied
That your eyes rest on me.
I'll no longer wish
I was the only one you see.

And if you hold me in your arms
I'll just be happy to be held.
I won't wish with all my heart
That you'll never let me go.

And if you give me kisses
I'll enjoy the sweetness of your lips.
I won't long to be kissed
In front of a preacher.

I'm not going to ache and miss you
When you go away.
I'm not going to beg and plead
To keep you here with me.

I've given up on longing
On I love you's and I do's.
It seems such a useless thing
I'll take what I can get.

This Ache

Must I bear this ache,
This soft and constant yearning,
That fills my heart and soul,
With a slow and steady burning?

I can't say what it is,
There's nothing that I need,
But still I feel this want,
This longing deep in me.

No matter where I turn
To fill the empty spots,
Nothing seems to satisfy
Or untie all the knots.

I want to be happy,
or maybe just content,
To feel an easing in my soul,
To live with pure intent.

Please take the ache away,
Just make it disappear,
Replace the hurt with peace,
Let comfort draw me near.

Quote:
All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name.
  -Andre Breton

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Begging

This is me begging for feedback. I would prefer it to be constructive if it is negative and not just "this poem sucks," but I will take what I can get at this point. I need more points of view. Pretty please :0)

Monday, February 27, 2012

I Forgot

I forgot.
It really is true.
Didn't know what to do,
Cause I forgot.
Over and over she told me,
With a scowl she kept reminding.
Promise, promise, she'd say,
Don't forget night or day!
My heart I did cross.
By pinkie I did swear.
Even called on the good name of the Girl Scouts
To get my point across. 
So I have no excuse
For this neglectful abuse.
And of all the things she's asked me,
Forgetting this one's really the worst
With this one unfortunate error
Our friendship's suddenly cursed.
All because I forgot!

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Not a Damn Thing to be Done About it

I want him,
Shouldn't, wouldn't, can't,
But I want him.

I think about him,
Things that never happened and never will
But I think about him.

I ache for him
Hands and lips that will never twine with mine
But I ache for him.

I love him,
And there's not a damn thing to be done about it.
But still I love him.

Martyr

You call me a martyr.
You who started the fire,
Built the cross,
Swung the axe.
Tell me, did the splattering of my blood dirty your soul?
Is that the reason odes have been written,
Tears have been shed,
And voices in anger use me as an example of all the wrongs of society?
Does making me less by making me more ease your battered conscience?
By teaching me to the minions, plebeians, simple-minded societies,
I become a legend, a history lesson.
You have taken away my humanity with your myths.

Don't you realize I'm human!
You saw my breath in the cold of winter,
Looked into my eyes and saw my terror as I stood before you.
You saw my tears and the defeat when you judged me,
And saw my blood pool at your feet.

Now what gives you the right to pick me apart,
Like a buzzard pecking away at a rotten carcass?
Haven't you hurt me enough?
How much damage must you do before I am no longer a threat?
The damage can never be undone,
The lies you spread have become the truth,
And I have disappeared within the saintly vision you have constructed.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Worst of You

I can still see you now,
Curled up in a ball
In the corner of the dark musty room,
Your hands white knuckle clenched.
I can't remember why.
Was it because anger's sharp pointy teeth
Were tearing through you?
Or were you trying to suppress the overpowering wave of despair
That hovered a breath away?
I can't remember.
I just remember your green marble eyes
Fixed on something through me.
You were painfully beautiful
And unbearable ugly.
And it was then, with your destruction, my destruction,
Painted in the shadows, I left you.
Left you to reassemble the sharp cutting shards of yourself.

You got married yesterday,
Said a friend of a friend.
Married to someone pure and true,
Encapsuled in holy bliss.
But she'll never know you the way I do.
Never own the worst of you,
Never be bound up tightly by your desperate mixture of love and hate.
And if I had to choose between sunset riding everafter
And the sweet ache of your disdain,
I'd choose your hate.
Because it's as honest as you've ever been,
As honest as you ever will be.
And all I ever wanted was your bone breaking honesty.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Thank You

When it's my time to go
Thank the nighttime stars
For granting me a smallness
In this vast universe.

Thank the man in the moon
For listening to my prayers,
And offering a smile
To a lost and lonely girl.

Thank the springtime flowers
For coloring my world.
And thank the fallen leaves
For giving elegance to death.

Thank the whipporwill
For singing my heart's tune.
Thank the babbling brook
For lending a friendly ear.

Thank the roaring fire
For lighting up my world,
Wrapping tight around me,
And warming up my hands.

Thank the gentle summer rain,
For quenching my deep thirst,
For singing me sweet lullabies,
And washing past pains away.

So when it is all over,
Give life my gratitude
For showing me such beauty
And the heart in which to view it.

Ghost of Us

He lives on in this room.
His voice and touch slip around me.
The things I took for granted,
Now bring sweet longing to my heart.

Alone in this cold, empty bed
I dream I'm wrapped in his warmth,
And in the quiet stillness,
I hear whispered I love you's.

They say I need to move on,
Forget what used to be,
Turn away from the shadows,
And raise my face to the sun.

But I'll stay here in this darkness,
Living in what might have been,
Tightly clutching your memory,
Haunted by the ghost of us.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Breaking My Toys

I always break my toys,
It happens every time.
No matter the gentle intentions,
I never play within the lines.

Somehow all you see
Is an angel in my eyes,
You don't see what's broken
And the lies I try to hide.

You smile at me so sweetly,
Your heart is open bare,
Your hands hold me gently,
I know it isn't fair.

To me it's just a game,
And I always play to win.
I'll break every rule
So I won't lose again.

You never stood a chance,
I've been hurt too many times.
Broken beyond repair,
By men of the wrong kind.

The scars have made me cold,
I calculate every move,
And harden up my heart
From feeling any love.

I'm not worth the risk;
Moth, run from the flame.
Turn your eyes away,
I'll cause you too much pain.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Poem I'm obsessed with

This isn't my poem, though I wish I had been the one to write it. I had to share though, because I have read it at least a dozen times in the last couple of days. It is what started my current writing spell, and it was the catalyst to starting this blog. It is so good that I had to post it. I copied this version from poets.org (http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/16549).

So you want to be a writer?
By Charles Bukowski

if it doesn't come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don't do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don't do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don't do it.
if you're doing it for money or
fame,
don't do it.
if you're doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don't do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don't do it.
if it's hard work just thinking about doing it,
don't do it.
if you're trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.


if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you're not ready.

don't be like so many writers,
don't be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don't be dull and boring and
pretentious, don't be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don't add to that.
don't do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don't do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don't do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.

and there never was.

Fickle Heart

I'll love you today,
Wrap you tight in this moment.
Right now you'll be mine,
And I won't look at another.

But my heart, it is fickle
And soon it will stray.
It'll look for new comforts,
And long for another way.

So enjoy me while you have me,
And love me all you can,
For as much as I love you, baby
My heart never learned how to stay.

Don't Ask Why

Why should I speak when my words disappear,
Quickly lost to the march of time?

Why should I smile, or cry, or laugh
When it's nought but a fickle change of mood?
In a moment it's gone, and I'll have moved on
As though it never happened at all.

Why live a life filled full of strife
When you're only one in a billion?
Is it worth all the struggle for barely a ripple
That's gone in the blink of an eye?

I haven't the answer, not even a clue
But I'll keep marching forward
And never question the reason.

Maybe it's simple, something inside,
The fear of the end.
The fear of life's death.

And I guess it needs no explanation.
It's simply the thing that you do.
You just go on living, put away all misgivings,
And keep on day after day.

So settle in tight for a long bumpy ride
And don't give up 'til it's over.
And maybe someday the why will be answered
But even if not such is life.

Battle Scars

I bear the scar of the moonlit doe
Soft and breathing peace,
The roaring of the crowd
My heart beating with the base.

I bear the scar of words of old
Written in flowing rhyme,
Of brand new worlds in new ideas
That change my point of view.

I bear the scar of frenzied tasks
Accomplished and full of pride,
And the still, quiet moments
Where I question why am I.

I bear the scar of friends and foes,
Of hugs and hate-filled words,
Every bittersweet goodbye
And every teary hello.

I bear the scar of what could have been
And all that used to be,
Of my family's truths of yesteryear
That took root inside of me.

I bear the scar of ones that got away
And ones I never kissed,
The ones who held me too tightly,
And the ones who ran too fast.

I bear the scar of the look in your eyes,
And the tight hold of your hand,
Of your whispered words of sweetest love,
And promises to always stay.

Each day as I breathe in and out
These things that make me me,
I'll proudly wear this tapestry
Of the battle scars of life.

Monday, February 13, 2012

The Calling

I felt the pull, the draw consuming,
It tickled at my fingertips.
I clutched it tight, white knuckled, to me,
Desperate to stop it from slipping away.

I need not have worried,
It wanted me too,
And held me as tight as my arms did grasp.
It pulled me inside and sank into me.

Rooting around, it fought for a voice,
And searched for words to speak out a truth.

It lost its edges and I lost mine,
Melding into a singular form.
You can no longer tell me from my calling,
We stand strong together, one and the same.

These Silly Words of Mine

These silly, fickle words of mine
Bombard and tie me up in knots.
Incessant chatter in my head
That will not rest 'til I lay them down.

These silly, fickle words of mine
Poke and prod me half to death.
Answering the who's and where's and why's
To place into a pretty phrase.

And while this wordy hurricane
Twists and turns inside of me,
I'll grab a pen and try to purge
These silly, fickle words of mine.

Caged Birds

The cold and taunting darkness,
The breaking of a wing,
And only Maya knows
Why the caged bird sings.

The Drop

A trickle drips
Taking paths for which my mind and womb ache.
A single drop brings forth the flood-
The growl of hunger caused by years of starvation.
The need starts slow at first, gains momentum.
The painful lack of consumation overcomes.
I seek solace, lost in addiction to a drug I've yet to taste.
A drip that belongs not to me, but to the mind and womb of another.
But still I ache.