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Saturday, March 31, 2012

These Days

There are these days
stupid, silly days
where everything is okay
everything is worth it

Then there are days
where I can't take it anymore
just want to disappear
to not exist

And I think one of these days
the good ones will be more
but it hasn't happened yet.

Words

What if these words are all of me
Never more, never less
Just these silly, stupid words
That make up my heart
That make up my soul

The mind is easy
connections and
chemicals and synapses

But these words that we are
alone don't make any sense
they expose you
tell your secret inner world
take what is
and what wasn't
and never will be
And turn it into some sort of dream

But all they'll be are words
Never anything more
And it scares me to death
that these words are all I'll ever be.

Poetry

I'm not Plath,
Ginsberg, or Pound
Don't really want to be
truth be told
But these words in my soul
They change me
and make me want more
Langston Hughes and St. Vincent Millay
have turned this simple, silly, stupid girl
into someone who dreams and flies
I can see it now
I can feel it now
I can't swear to it now
but maybe it's worth it now.

In response to ABC Wednesday

Kept

Kept
this
bent
broken
golden
ring
as is
as if
it were
a fairytale
a dream lost
to be
found
again
maybe
it
will

This is in response to ABC Wednesday at http://abcwednesday-mrsnesbitt.blogspot.com/2012/03/abc-wednesday-k-is-for-kinks.html

Gone in the Blink of an Eye

I'm looking to run
fast as
these broken legs can

Don't want to be here
Don't want to be me

I know the grass
always seems greener
Know some moments
are happy
But I can't find them

I just want to run
and cry
and scream
and tear at the seams

Take these pills they say
nothing works
nothing helps

I'm tired
and broken

Stupid monster inside

Happiness is just a fairytale
Gone in the blink of an eye

Friday, March 30, 2012

Shitty Day

I've had a shitty day

I lost my mind
He lost his job
Nasty little rumors
being told to my Mama
Screaming matches with my Mema
And made my Daddy cry.

Oh, officially a horrible, shitty day

So I threw a fit
And made a scene
Cried an unpretty,
snotty,
puffy eyed,
hiccupping,
glass throwing cry

And when I was absolutely sure
my crying spell was done
I cried a little more.

It was all so unladylike
Good girls aren't raised to act such ways
Guess I'm not a good girl

Then I threw in the towel
Called it a day
Lay my head on my bed
And gratefully call quits
a truly shitty day.



In response well in truth to a shitty day, but also to Theme Thursday at http://www.theme-thursday.com/2012/03/theme-thursday-for-march-29-2012-moment.html

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Just Me

J is for Just Me

I just am
I can't be anything more
maybe I should be prettier or smarter
be nicer, purer, more true
should certainly be more
more motivated, more ambitious
simply more

But I'm just good enough
I just make the cut
won't be the favorite
have my name in bright lights
don't do all that I should
enough to get by
enough to get through

But there's comfort in not being perfect
in accepting all that I am and I'm not
so at the end of the day
I'll proudly proclaim
all I'll ever be is just me


In response to ABC Wednesday at
http://abcwednesday-mrsnesbitt.blogspot.com/2012/03/j-is-for.html

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Beautiful Trickster

I'm on to you
Beautiful Trickster
with dewey blooms
fragrant and colorful
breathtaking and new

Oh, let's not forget babies
so cuddly and cute
promises of youth
the world again renewed.

But youth will lose it's luster
Spring can never last
This elegance before me
Doesn't baffle me at all

I'll look at the vibrant colors
but I'm on to your sick scheme
Spring is just the promise
That winter will negate.


In response to Three Word Wednesday at http://www.threewordwednesday.com/2012/03/3ww-cclxiii.html
and Poetic Bloomings at  http://poeticbloomings.com/2012/03/18/%ef%bb%bfspring-ahead-prompt-47/

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Infertile

I is for Infertile


Every woman dreams
of a soft, sweet bundle
flesh of flesh
all her own

The call
instinctive
primal
call of nature
for a generation
to pass on

I feel it
more every year
tick, tick, tick
of the broken clock

A rounded belly
mother's proud smile
baby's laugh
brings a soul ache

Oh, the look
poor infertile girl
nothing to do
unfixable

"You can always adopt."
"The improvements in science"
"Find other passions"
they say
platitudes
mean well

But never the miracle of life
growing in my womb
first kicks
baby's move
creation all my own

Instead the ache
of the brokenness
of me

In response to ABC Wednesday at
http://abcwednesday-mrsnesbitt.blogspot.com/2012/03/i-is-forinlinkz.html

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Fall Leaves

Bury me under crimson leaves
Let me smell the essence of their death
Until I cannot see beyond thier painful fall
Until I too cannot take another breath

And when with finality, they crumble into ash
And turn forever into soil's fertile ground
I will close my eyes and say goodbye
Then stand and wait for yet another round.

In response to Theme Thursday at http://www.theme-thursday.com/2012/03/theme-thursday-for-march-15-2012-season.html

Words in My Head

I'm tripping over
the words in my head
won't leave me alone
til I put them to bed
on paper with pen
or a shiny new post
they'll keep rolling around
they'll shout and they'll boast.

They repeat every word
over and over again
put one line down
and it's started again.

So get them out now
cause they're driving me crazy
I just want to sleep
be stupid or lazy.

When it's 3 am
and my eyes are half mast
they're unwanted guests
but want the party to last.

It makes me insane
this gift that's inside
I know it should be
a source of great pride
It is when I'm not tired
and trying to sleep
or accomplishing all
the tasks in my week.

I don't want to lose them
if I don't write them I will
I just long for some silence
and my mind to be still.

Migraine

Oh the ache
Oh my head
Sadistic bitch
Won't leave me alone

I beg
I plead
I pray
For relief
For release

And still she taunts
Brings me to my knees

Can't even scream
Reduced to a wimper

Nothing will stop her,
this constant unwanted guest
who makes me shun
the light of day
the joy of laughter

It's just me and her
and her and me
alone in the silent dark

Oh how am I to survive this
miserable
twisted
worthless
Sadistic bitch.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Spectrum

There's some blue in me
of lonely days
and the solitude of
deep blue midnight.

I can feel the red
anger's scarlet flame
in the beating of my heart

The sickly yellow fear
I try to hide
but stays buried in my skin

And the fangs of green
that nip and bite
with things I'll never have

A bit of white and black and grey
in a conscience that I fight

The earthy brown
where I plant my feet
The silver and gold of sunbeams
that warm my upturned face

And the violent shades of passion
in every color in between
That makes the blended spectrum
that resides inside of me.


In response to Theme Thursday at http://www.theme-thursday.com/2012/03/theme-thursday-for-march-8-2012.html

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Enough

Maybe it's enough
waking everyday
breathing in and out
the beating of my heart

Maybe it's enough
pushing on
when I don't want to
don't think I can

Maybe it's enough
forcing back the tears
putting on a smile
when I'm overwhelmed

Maybe it's enough

But I'm so tired
of moving forward
then moving back
and wondering if it's enough

Pleasure Games

Touch me
Taste me
Tease me
Take me
Hard and fast
Soft and slow
Til I lose my breath
Til I lose control
Make me feel
Make me ache
Don't worry, love
I won't break
Just love me right
And love me long
I'll take it all
Before you're gone
A little this
And alot of that
I'll gobble it up
Til I'm nice and fat
Use me up
And break me down
Come inside
And settle down
Don't let me go
Til I tell you to
You use me
And I'll use you
Don't need your heart
Just your body
For these pleasure games
You wrap around me.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

I'm Gonna Love You

I'm gonna love you
Til your heart's so full of me
Til you can't breathe without my touch and taste
Skin to skin

I'm gonna love you
The way you want to be loved
Should have been loved
Need to be loved

I'm gonna love you
Like I'm the last one who ever will
Like I'm enough and always will be
Like you'll never hurt me or break my heart

I'm gonna love you
Soft and gentle
Passionate and strong
Full-force, non-stop

I'm gonna love you
The way I want to be loved
So maybe, fingers crossed,
You'll love me like I love you

I Dare You To

I've got stars in my eyes
Little specks of soul that shine through
My truth fighting their way out of insecurities

I bet you see my heart
If you look long enough
If you have the courage to really look

Will you?
I dare you to
Dare you to delve
deep enough
to dig beneath the surface

I'll let you in
But it won't be easy
I'm worth the fight
Worth the effort

So stick around
And take the time
Take the chance
I dare you to.

Grandeur

G is for Grandeur

There's a grandeur in the stars
A beautiful vastness
That makes you feel small
A speck of dust in the infinite

Oh, the comfort of being
Just a fleeting moment
That time forgets after a beat

You can seek your immortality
Try to make yourself bigger
Try to make yourself more

I'll take my moment
And look to the stars to remember
That all those worries and cares and mistakes
   that feel so big
Are less than a grain of sand
In the magnificence of the universe


In response to ABC Wednesday at
http://abcwednesday-mrsnesbitt.blogspot.com/

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Hiding

I move,
Step back
Confused and fragile
Hiding from truth
But it stalks and hovers
I shield my face from the probing eyes
But not reacting is reacting,
Right?

Ostrich misses but never stops moving life
Just delays the rising flame
Burnt fingertips

A moment more
Deep shuddering breath
Brace to face the fire
Acting to react



This is in response to Theme Thursday at http://www.theme-thursday.com/
and ABC Wednesday at
http://abcwednesday-mrsnesbitt.blogspot.com/2012/03/h.html

Friday, March 2, 2012

Wanting the Flame

Oh, how you're gonna want me,
I'll be your heart's desire.
You'll long to touch my sweetness,
Be drawn into my fire.

You'll yearn for me, burn for me,
Beg me to quench the flame.
Once I've given you a taste,
You'll never be the same.

We'll drown in this together,
Crinkled lips and fingertips.
We'll navigate this madness,
Into the body's bliss.

As we find a slipping rhythm
In the clutches of the night,
I'm gonna give you everything.
I'll be worth the fight.

So get ready for my passion,
Prepare for my demands.
Put your lips upon my body.
Explore me with your hands.

I'll leave you satisfied,
But always wanting more.
I'll break into your heart
And seep into your pores.

Oh, how you're gonna want me,
Want me body, heart, and soul.
And I'll give it all to you
If you never let me go.



In response to Three Word Wednesday at http://www.threewordwednesday.com/

Thursday, March 1, 2012

The Rhythm in the Air

There's a rhythm in the air,
A slow and haunting beat,
The swaying of my hips,
And the tapping of my feet.

I feel it in my soul,
And the pounding of my heart.
It fills me up with sweetness
And breaks my cares apart.

As my body starts to move
The melody takes over,
The dips and rising of the notes,
Like the movements of a lover.

I catch the rising fever,
My body starts to burn,
My pulse accelerates,
It makes me start to yearn.

Oh, the rhythm in the air,
The slow and haunting beat,
The movement of the music,
That's taken over me.

I'll Take What I Can Get

I've given up on longing
Of wanting what I can't have.
It seems such a useless thing
So I'll just take what I can get.

If you look at me I'll be satisfied
That your eyes rest on me.
I'll no longer wish
I was the only one you see.

And if you hold me in your arms
I'll just be happy to be held.
I won't wish with all my heart
That you'll never let me go.

And if you give me kisses
I'll enjoy the sweetness of your lips.
I won't long to be kissed
In front of a preacher.

I'm not going to ache and miss you
When you go away.
I'm not going to beg and plead
To keep you here with me.

I've given up on longing
On I love you's and I do's.
It seems such a useless thing
I'll take what I can get.

This Ache

Must I bear this ache,
This soft and constant yearning,
That fills my heart and soul,
With a slow and steady burning?

I can't say what it is,
There's nothing that I need,
But still I feel this want,
This longing deep in me.

No matter where I turn
To fill the empty spots,
Nothing seems to satisfy
Or untie all the knots.

I want to be happy,
or maybe just content,
To feel an easing in my soul,
To live with pure intent.

Please take the ache away,
Just make it disappear,
Replace the hurt with peace,
Let comfort draw me near.

Quote:
All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name.
  -Andre Breton